Worst Turkey Hunter Ever? Part 2

Fast forward a couple of weeks and there’s 2 days left in the season. I head back up with the same friend who has another very promising spot that he knows holds turkey. Now, I just want to put this out there about him. He’s been hunting and guiding people nearly all of his his life. He’s killed turkey’s and helped others to do the same all over the south east. So he is definitely not to blame. This is all me and my little black cloud.

It’s an absolutely gorgeous, calm day. The sun is out and the highs are in the mid 70’s. Perfect if you ask me. We get to the property right at day break and make our way into the woods. We’re a couple hundred yards in when we notice a black bear to our right about 30 yards up a hill. Well, the bear saw us too and was none too pleased to be in our presence so he took off just over the ridge line. We decide to hang out in the spot to see if we can call anything in.

After about 20 minutes of sitting and calling, my buddy grabs his toilet paper and says “I gotta use the bathroom, I’ll be back”. No big deal, nature calls and you do what you gotta do when it does. But then I notice he’s walking to the area where the dang bear was hanging out! I asked if he remembers the 300lb black bear we saw in that same area 20 minutes ago. He shrugs and just says “Eh, it’ll be alright”.

So here I am, in 180 acres of land I’ve never been to, with nothing but a shotgun and some turkey shot. Now I’ve never been bear hunting but something tells me that turkey shot would probably just piss a bear off. I’m just hoping he doesn’t get mauled. What will I tell his wife? What will I tell our boss who knows that I’ve wanted his office for years? He’ll probably think I did it on purpose! Eventually he came back, a little lighter but definitely not mauled so we decided to keep moving.

We sneak up to a spot overlooking a field and he was able to call in a hen but not a tom in sight. We stayed there for a little while and then decided to move. After a short walk, we come to the base of a mountain in which he has spotted turkey on top of in the past. Now, I call it a mountain, most of you would probably laugh at me and tell me it’s just a hill. Which in hindsight it probably was a hill and I’m just in terrible shape.

We start making our way up this gigantic hill. My mind is telling me that I’m still that 20 year old Marine that can run up this mountainous hill with no problem. About a quarter of the way up, my body reminds my brain that I am in fact an obese 41 year old with multiple disabilities that has worked a desk job for the last 9 years. My mind finally agrees with my body and does it’s best to hide the wheezing coming out of me.

We finally make it to the top and he starts calling and I keep listening and trying to not show just how bad of shape I’m in. I had just about caught my breath when he say’s “Ok, lets head back down”. WHAT?!?!? You don’t make it to the top of Mt Everest, hang out for 3 minutes and just walk back down! We gotta take a break, enjoy the sights, take some pictures, eat some snacks, something!! We made it back down and tried a few more spots before calling off the turkey hunt.

After getting back to the truck we decide to do some fishing. Now I know I don’t have terrible luck at fishing. Been doing it my whole life. I’m no professional but I know what I’m doing. In my mind, I totally out fished him. But somehow, his 4 giant trout were more impressive than my 20 horny heads and 2 small native trout. Below is a pic with the biggest trout of the day. All were released back into the river.

That concludes part 2 of of my failed turkey hunting career. You may think this doesn’t sound bad and that it happens all the time. Not here it doesn’t. The owner of the property even said he see’s turkey all the time. I’m just bad luck. I still haven’t completely figured that out yet. The next hunt is where it really hits me.